


battling life

by idkimoutofideas



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depressing Thoughts, Episode: s03e05 Rage, Gen, Missing Scene, Siblings, lawsuit arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkimoutofideas/pseuds/idkimoutofideas
Summary: “What’s this I hear from Chimney about a lawsuit?” Maddie demanded.Buck sighed and looked away. “What about it?”In which Maddie confronts Buck about his decision to file a lawsuit.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	battling life

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just a little annoyed we didn't get a scene between Buck and Maddie where they talked about the lawsuit, because we all know Maddie would call him on his shit. Also inspired by their conversation in 'The One That Got Away'
> 
> Title is from Battling Life by the Dunwells

Someone was knocking on Buck’s door. Pounding on it, really. They’d been there for a while, but he still hadn’t found the energy to answer. He let out a groan and rolled over so he was facing the back of the couch, pulling a pillow over his head as he did so. Maybe if he ignored them for long enough they’d go away.

It couldn’t be anyone important anyway. Everyone he talked to was connected to the 118. A fact that hadn’t fully sunk in until he started the lawsuit and wasn’t allowed to talk to them anymore. He’d known, distantly, that his whole life revolved around his job, and if he didn’t have that he didn’t have anything. But he didn’t fully realize what that meant until all communication stopped and Buck realized just how lonely he was. 

Before, his days had been empty, but he’d still had people to talk to. Texts sent in between calls as Buck pretended not to be jealous that he couldn’t work, the occasional visit of someone dropping by to check on him because ‘they were all worried about him’. Now, he had none of that. He just wanted to be able to talk to people again.

All the more reason to win the lawsuit so he could go back to work.

Whoever it was, was still knocking on his door, and Buck sighed. He didn’t want to deal with anyone right now, but maybe if he answered the door they would go away. Reluctantly, Buck dragged himself off the couch, feet heavy as he made his way to the door.

He didn’t really know what to expect as he swung open the door, but he hadn’t been expecting his sister. Maddie was standing there, fist still raised from where she was knocking, with the hard line in her shoulders that she got when she was being particularly stubborn.

“Buck-” the second she spoke he swung the door closed again, not interested in the lecture he knew was coming. She caught it before it could close all the way, foot wedged in the doorjamb. After a brief struggle of wills Buck gave up, stepping back from the door and into his kitchen. He could hear her start to follow him as he circled the counter, trying to put some space in between them. He really wasn’t in the mood to be lectured, but… he  _ had _ just been wishing he could talk to someone.

Maddie stood a few feet away from him, eyebrow raised expectantly, waiting for him to talk. Buck huffed and leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed. Two could play at that game. If she wanted to talk so badly she would have to start the conversation. There was a moment of silence before Maddie gave in.

“What’s this I hear from Chimney about a lawsuit?” She demanded.

Buck sighed and looked away. “What about it?” He asked sullenly, he could feel her stare boring into him, but he didn’t meet her eyes.

“Well, you could start with  _ why _ ?”

“I need my job back.” He replied flatly.

“And this lawsuit is going to help that how?” Buck shrugged halfheartedly, eyes fixed on the mess of dirty dishes spread out across the counter. He didn’t want to meet her gaze because he didn’t want to see the pity he knew was there.

“Bobby won’t let me back.” Just saying the words made the pain and anger bubble up in his chest again. He had worked  _ so hard _ to get back to work, and now that it was in his reach Bobby just… didn’t let him. He needed his job back, needed his life back. His life didn’t mean anything if he couldn’t work.

“...I’ve heard.” 

Buck’s eyes snapped up, finally meeting her gaze. “You  _ heard _ ?” He couldn’t keep the venom out of his voice, couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about the hurt expression that flashed across her face. “What am I talking about, of course you heard.” Buck scoffed, shaking his head. “Probably knew it was Bobby keeping me benched before I did.”

“Evan-” he couldn’t help the slight flinch at the use of his name and he turned away again. He didn’t want her seeing past his bravado and anger, knew that if he let her in she’d see the little kid who was scared of being left behind. Maddie sighed softly and walked over to him, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Buck, I know you want your job back. I know how hard you’ve been working to get it back. But a lawsuit isn’t the way to do it-!” Buck shrugged off her hand and stepped away as she continued talking at him. “Look, I understand-”

“No, you don’t!” Buck whirled around to face her again. “You  _ don’t  _ understand. My job is my  _ life _ Maddie, and I-” he cut himself off and looked away, eyes stinging with unshed tears. “My job is my life,” he repeated, “it’s the  _ only thing _ I have. The  _ only thing _ I’m good at. Everything I do, everything I  _ am _ is connected to my job. And if I lose my job then I- I-” it was getting hard to speak past the lump in his throat, he was trying desperately to hang onto any semblance of control. He didn’t want to have this fight again, but he had explained it to her a thousand times and she still didn’t understand. “I can’t lose that.” He finished instead, voice barely more than a whisper.

“You won’t!” Buck rolled his eyes at her response and moved to walk away again, but Maddie darted around to stand in front of him, her hands braced on his shoulders. “You  _ won’t _ .” She repeated. Her face fell as he shrugged her off again, and he only felt bad for a second before he pushed the feeling aside. 

“They’ll still be your friends, even if you don’t work together.” Maddie’s words made him freeze. There it was, the reason he’d been avoiding this conversation with her. Because she was his sister, she knew him better than anyone else, knew how to read the meaning behind the words he didn’t say. 

“Will they?” Buck lifted his gaze to meet her eyes again. “Because everyone else has someone else. Bobby has Athena, Hen has Karen and their kids, Eddie has Christopher, you and Chim have each other, and I- I have  _ nothing _ .” His voice broke on the last word and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

“You have  _ me _ .” Maddie insisted. And Buck… he really wished he could believe her. Wished he could trust that his big sister would always be there. But she’d left him before, even though she promised she wouldn’t.

With Doug, he understood. Or tried to at least. She had been trying to protect him, and he knew that now, even if it hurt at the time. But she had left him with their parents too. 

Everyone always left him.

It was a fact of life, at this point. No matter what he did, no matter who he tried to be, he was never a good enough reason to stay. Not for Maddie. Not for Abby. Not for anyone. 

If he lost his job, he would lose the family he had built for himself. Simple as that.

“I need my job, Maddie.” Buck said tiredly.

“Evan-” a buzz from the counter interrupted her, and they both looked over to see her phone lying face up, the screen lit up with a series of messages. She turned back to him, but the empty pit in his chest only cemented its place.

“Chimney’s probably wondering where you are.” He was getting dangerously close to completely falling apart, he needed her to leave before the cracks in his shell became too big to patch.

Maddie shook her head. “Evan, listen-”

“You should go to him.” Buck cut her off. “At least you have someone to go home to.” He bit out, turning away before he could see her crestfallen expression. He took the stairs two at a time, equal parts anger and anxiety making his skin buzz uncomfortably. He collapsed face first into his bed and yanked the comforter over his head, trying to block out the rest of the world.

Not even a minute later he heard the telltale sound of his apartment door opening and closing, then silence, and Buck was alone.

Again.


End file.
